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Hudak doubles down on pledge: 2 million jobs to be created by firing 10,000 math teachers

Blog posts reflect the views of their authors.
Hudak doubles down on pledge: 2 million jobs to be created by firing 10,000 math teachers

Under fire for the creative math behind the one million jobs pledge contained in the Ontario Progressive Conservative election platform, Ontario PC leader Tim Hudak has hit back at his critics.

“Those economists are using the old math,” scoffed Mr. Hudak at a press conference earlier today. “Clearly our educational system needs a reset. We’ve got to rightsize and make sure we’re offering state-of-the-art math skills to the next generation of job creators.”

In addition to the one million jobs that will be created by firing 100,000 public servants, party researchers have calculated that another 700,000 jobs can be created simply by redefining the rules of mathematics as they apply to the province of Ontario. That plan involves firing 10,000 high school math teachers. The tax savings on math teachers’ salaries will generate another 310,000 jobs thanks to private-sector growth, resulting in a net gain of one million jobs.

“The entrepreneurs of tomorrow will not be held back by yesterday’s old math,” said the PC leader. “With the power of creative math, our young job creators will unleash the exponential job growth that defies obsolete mathematical rules.”

Unifor economist Jim Stanford, who provided a breakdown of the mathematical deficiencies of the earlier one million jobs promise, was unable to provide extensive commentary on the new pledge.

“I’m going to have to familiarize myself with the strange new math Hudak’s people are using,” said a clearly exasperated Stanford. “I think it works on the same level as Roadrunner-Cayote physics. In the PC universe, the economy can keep running in the air after going past the austerity cliff as long as it doesn’t look down.”

 

David Bernans is a Québec-based writer and translator. He is the author of Collateral Murder. Follow him on twitter @dbernans.

* Note from the author: Only half of the laughable two million jobs pledge was actually made by the Ontario PC campaign. The other half of the election promise, like this article, is satirical in nature.


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